Anger



Faridah Mohamad Saad
Institut Pendidikan Guru
Kampus Teknik
Bandar Tun Razak Cheras, Kuala Lumpur
noniemsaad@yahoo.com



None of us is a stranger to anger. And while we may regret our anger at times, it can certainly be a warning that something is not right with our world. It can also be a useful power to right those wrongs if properly directed and controlled. Used appropriately and then dismissed, anger is healthy. But if allowed to control us and have its way, it can also damage us and those around us.

Throughout history anger and angry people have caused so much pain that today many believe that all anger is a mental defect to be rejected and avoided. Simply saying to someone, “You're angry!” is often used as a trump to end the discussion and win the argument—as if being angry is the ultimate evil in and of itself, and therefore overrides any subject being discussed.

And yet anger at genuine wrongs has led to much change for good. Repressions have been overturned as the result of “righteous anger.” Peoples have been freed, illegitimate regimes overthrown, women and children protected, and the situations of countless members of the human race improved.

But as we know, much of the world's misery can be traced to the unjust and unhealthy anger of individuals or groups—despots, megalomaniacs, politicians, false messiahs, competing religions and warring peoples on the macro scale; and the power-hungry, the dissatisfied, the controlling, the offended, the slighted and the ignored on the micro level.

We get the English word "berserk" from Norse raiders who were called berserkers in the Old Norse tongue, after their habit of losing their minds to murderous anger and blood lust.

Even in modern, and supposedly enlightened, times we have and do see horrific examples of leaders, peoples, cultures and religions promulgating unbridled anger to sacrifice hundreds of millions of individuals to their lusts for power: a force wielded against anyone who would stand in their way.

But, you and I don't have any such power or inclination. So why talk about something that doesn't affect us?

Since uncontrolled and unhealthy anger does cause terrible grief, it is important to understand how to express it properly and to take charge of our own anger so that we can use it as a catalyst for positive change.

It is easy to recognize extreme blood-in-the-eye rage when it shows itself in others, and perhaps we've even seen it in ourselves. But psychotherapists Ronald T. and Patricia S. Potter-Efron in Letting go of Anger (2006) list 11 common anger styles—some of them masked, some explosive, and some chronic. Some styles of anger are able to hide, even from the person exhibiting them. Some people claim that they never get angry, and indeed try not to do so. Others hide a sneaky, passive-aggressive anger by procrastination, forgetting or playing dumb or helpless. Some turn their anger inward and follow patterns that the Potter-Efrons describe as: self-neglect, self-sabotage, self-blame, self-attack, or self-destruction.

Men and women may express anger differently. In Western society women have been stereotyped historically as the nurturing sex and may therefore be discouraged from showing their anger, but both sexes have issues with this emotion. Although most books on anger management are written to men, Laura Petracek writes to women and says, “Most women in our society are either not in touch with their anger or feel their anger but don't know how to express it.” Petracek describes two styles of anger she sees in women: Anger In, in which “women direct their anger at themselves by overeating, becoming depressed, and hurting themselves;” and Anger Out, “venting your rage at another person, or attacking or blaming another person, possibly to the point of pushing, shoving, or kicking that person.” 

All of us have the potential for anger as part of our humanity. Ignoring or denying anger prevents us from using it appropriately and allows it to cause us hurt.